Psychologist Kurkin is the secret of a happy relationship. Video lecture summary by Vadim Kurkin "Secrets of happy relationships

What woman does not want to learn the secrets of a happy relationship with a man and live in harmony with her chosen one, herself and the world? Do they exist?

The psychologist from St. Petersburg Vadim Kurkin is sure that there are secrets, and everyone can master the art of happy relationships. To do this, you need to learn about some of the laws of psychology.

Vadim Kurkin sees his mission in improving the psychological literacy of women and making them happy.

His course on happy relationships has become the most popular for its simplicity and benefits.

Vadim Kurkin also maintains a magazine about relationships and life. On his blog, he generously shares his knowledge as a successful man who knows what he is talking about.

“As a psychologist, I do not just work in my specialty, but I have taken place in the profession. The themes of self-esteem and the secrets of happy relationships are my main directions, ”says Vadim Kurkin.

Source: Vadim Kurkin / Facebook

Relationship psychology is often of interest to women, so the Growth Phase recorded his special lecture.

In the above female types, everyone will be able to recognize themselves and try to answer the question: do I like my life and what can I do about it?

The tale of a girl who lives afterwards

Vadim Kurkin first tells his listeners of the course "Secrets of Happy Relationships" a motivating fairy tale. Isn't this a familiar story for everyone?

Once upon a time there was a girl who dreamed of a good life. She knew that happiness would come sometime later. Now she needs to go to school and do her homework.

Then, when I go to college, I will have the most wonderful life in the world! But now I have to prepare for the exams, the girl thought.

She entered the university and she was overwhelmed with routine and all sorts of disappointments. And what was she thinking? I’ll get a job, and how will I live! Then, when I make my career ... I will have a lot of happiness!

Well, now I will do routine and unpleasant activities.

The girl began to work, got married, gave birth to two children ... Then it will become easier for me, the woman thought. Then, when my husband starts earning more, we can go on a trip ...

The pension came. In front of the TV, a woman dreamed that someday later ... The end of the tale.

5 levels of relationship

According to Vadim Kurkin, our relationship in a pair and with the world is a house with five floors. And the quality of our life depends on whether order is put in each of them.

1. Security level

The first floor includes the satisfaction of our basic needs. This includes not only the physical needs for food and sleep. This is a roof over your head and money for education for children.

“Ideally, a man provides a woman's safety. A normal female position is to live for your own pleasure, ”says the author of the marathon.

In a harmonious relationship in a couple, a woman does not think about the base. She wakes up in the morning with a smile and thinks: wow, what new will this day bring me? She thinks about the future and the future, but with joy, absolutely without tension.

What if there is no man yet? If a woman knows how to live relaxedly, without tension, the world around takes on the role of a man. The world feels your state, and it wants to please you!

2. The level of desires, sex and pleasure

If the first level - the "center" is closed, the woman gets access to her desires. Otherwise, all the energy will go to safety, the tension in the “base” will not allow new energy to manifest.

When the security level is closed, desires appear freely and spontaneously.Here it is important to learn to distinguish between your true "wants" from those imposed. It also matters whether a woman knows how to broadcast her desires into the world without shame and false modesty.

“A man can feel like a hero who likes to satisfy her. If there is no partner, but you know how to freely want, are connected to your desires, the world itself will begin to throw up opportunities, ”continues Vadim Kurkin.

3. The level of money

The flow of money into our lives grows in proportion to our needs. With the pumped third level, the necessary finances come either even before the desire-need arises, or at the same time.

But never after! With a closed level of money, you don't have to frantically look for finances.

Kurkin argues that our well-being does not depend on either the political situation or the evil bosses.

What does this level mean in the context of male-female relationships? A woman who knows the secrets of handling finances knows how to influence the income of her husband, to motivate him.

He must want to become a breadwinner and a hero, grow up the career ladder in order to set ambitious financial goals for himself!

According to Kurkin, it happens that one man is "rushing", while others are still unlucky. And the only difference is in what state these people, their women are.

4. Level of love and emotional involvement

Vadim Kurkin believes that love should only be mutual. She must make our chosen ones strong.

It happens that a woman loves a man, but he only becomes weaker with her. “You have already loved him so much, he received so much from you that he has no need to become a hero,” says the host.

It is important for such women to learn not only to give, but also to receive. The coach believes that love between a man and a woman is like a child. It is born, grows, evolves and over time it only gets deeper.

5. The level of intuition and sensitivity

At this level, a woman connects with her inner nature. If there is tension at the basic level of survival, intuition is not available.

The ideal picture is as follows: you become a sensitive woman who is able to feel herself and the world, opportunities and prospects for a couple, a family.

“Then you are a special woman. Intuition seems to move you forward, and consciousness and mind help. This is the top floor of the relationship, the icing on the cake, ”the coach sums up.

5 female scenarios

Why does our five-story house not stand firmly on the ground, but regularly sways and overflows with tension at one level or another? Vadim Kurkin believes that it's all about our life scenario. What it is?

This is an unconscious life plan - a decision that a child makes unconsciously in childhood under the influence of parents.

How does this happen? For example, a girl sees that her dad is talking aggressively with her mom. And she makes an unconscious decision - all men are evil. What will the girl's scenario be like? Don't trust men!

At the same time, in her life, she will attract just evil and aggressive men.

Even if trials appear on our way, fate prepares us a reward for them.

The scenario is another matter. Its only function is to preserve ourselves and make us function at the level of survival. If we live by the script, we cannot access our true destiny.

The psychologist identifies five female script types, to which certain male types are drawn.

1. Thoughtful woman

She is strong-willed and internally very strong. This is a locomotive woman, she likes to go in the front rows. This woman is prone to analysis, she is cautious, slow and loves to stick to the usual way.

She always brings what she started to the end, but it is difficult for her to make decisions. Because of this, it is extremely difficult for such a woman to change anything in life, for example, to leave an unloved job that has not brought any joy for 10 years.

It is important for her to reach the end in everything, so she is emotionally stuck at the stage of the struggle of motives, as if sitting on two chairs. She quickly gets tired of people.

But when close to someone, he quickly becomes addicted - people begin to use it.

In a relationship with a man, she can be described as a gentle, understanding woman. She will not force her partner to do something - everything herself! And the man next to her ceases to be active.

This woman is attracted to weak men. And the strong himself becomes weak next to her. Its script function is to grow a partner. But as soon as he gets to his feet, she breaks up with him. Its script is not to accept the results.

She knows how to promote, but does not know how to accept and take. In this woman's scenario, there is no permission to live in luxury and pleasure.

As soon as a relaxed and secure period looms in her world, she will feel shame and fear. She is embarrassed to live better than others! And she unconsciously merges her successes so as not to experience these feelings.

2. Woman-lighter

She seems strong to others, but it is an appearance. Inside, she barely holds on due to the accumulated fears, pain and disappointments.

This is an incredibly emotional woman! She is cheerful, bright, jokes a lot, easily adapts to new things and suffers from constant mood swings.

Decisions are made quickly and emotionally. Did you like the team? I got a job. Didn't you like it? Two months later, she fell out of love and left. There is constant news around this woman.

In her script, there is no way to bring the matter to the end, and because of this, she does not get the desired result. But others use the fruits of her labors!

She is very lonely. In relationships with men, she is saturated, there are many fans around her, but relationships with one and only one do not add up. It happens that she attracts strong men with character.

But what's going on? She resists restrictions, resists his power. She constantly needs emotions, and she gets them through conflicts.

The partner feels "unbalanced" and the successful man leaves her.

In a relationship, she quickly gets bored with routine, she wants an eternal holiday and news. She is thrown from side to side. And by the age of 35, she is completely depleted.

3. Female leader

Such a woman loves order, justice in everything, is incredibly demanding of herself and of others. She controls others. And then he wonders - why do they resist her "doing good?"

Recognition and respect are important to her, but she forcibly invades the lives of others, so she does not get what she wants. She does not feel her boundaries, respectively, other people do not feel them either.

She is quarrelsome, conflicted. It is important for her to always stay right! And in a relationship with a man, this is a dead end path. Her way of expressing love is criticism. She constantly re-educates loved ones, gives unsolicited advice.

At the same time, he works a lot, but absolutely does not know the value of his labor. For one salary, she can do the work of five employees.

The men next to her quickly become weak, even if they were strong. She does not give the force any chance to manifest itself, as she constantly competes with men.

4. Shy woman

She is closed and sensitive, focused on her inner world. It is very easy to offend her! As soon as something goes wrong, she immediately hides in her shell.

At the same time, any hint of protest, of defending borders on her part, is perceived by those around her extremely negatively - they are used to using it.

This woman is very talented and creative, while she does not believe in herself at all. She is addicted to praise and criticism.

In a relationship, he does not show his needs, silently and endures for a long time, and then quietly leaves.

She reaches out for the smallest signs of strength in men, but she does not know how to distinguish the present from deception, so she regularly gets into unpleasant stories. She does not understand and does not know how to evaluate people!

The story of taking a few credits in your name for your beloved handsome is about her. She cares and cherishes her love for a man, and he takes advantage of her.

Her fetish is conflict-free. And she achieves it at the cost of concessions and abandonment of herself. Often finds himself in the role of the scapegoat. Can sacrifice everything, pampers both men and children. At the same time, he takes all the blame for breaks and quarrels.

Saved by work, which also does not know how to say "no".

5. "Miss Instability"

She is the only female type who knows how to put herself first. He realizes his worth, reaches for beauty, always looks after himself, looks like a star.

This female type is closest to the state of a woman-queen, but before full realization she always lacks half a step.

There are many men around her. But she considers them all lustful! She constantly has to prove that she is not only beautiful, but also smart. She constantly proves, argues, disagrees! Says: no need to teach me, I'm not a fool! And destroys relationships.

Another problem is non-reciprocity. She is not liked by those who like her, and those to whom she seems attractive do not attract her in any way.

Her usual way of getting what she wants is resentment or blackmail. The man didn't do something? She was offended. Didn't do it again? She threatens to leave

A successful man tries to cajole her with gifts, but sooner or later he gets tired of all this. She is perceived as a superficial woman, and it is important for her to constantly prove the opposite.

She is unstable, always dissatisfied. Either he feels like a star, then a sweet, quiet shy. It is difficult for others around her! And the woman herself is not sweet because of the constant emotional stress.

She knows how to want, but does not know how to receive. Because of this, psychosomatic diseases can flourish in her. Her script is to always stop before the very last step. In achieving success, it inhibits itself.

How to go beyond the script?

The secrets of an ideal relationship with a successful man is to go beyond the script and gain access to your true feminine destiny.

Vadim Kurkin believes that it is almost impossible to calculate your scenario on your own, without outside help in an educational or psychological center, because it is located in the unconscious layers of the psyche.

However, everyone can help themselves to "come alive" a little.

Practice to revive "Like the first time"

Take a mirror. Most women will say they have a tired look. This is the fatigue that has accumulated due to the script.

The coach asks you to close your eyes and mentally send a pleasant wave of relaxation through your body.

“Imagine a child within yourself. Remember this baby, how does she look at the world? There will be the surprise of the discoverer, the exclamation “Wow,” sincere joy, ”says the coach.

The presenter offers to open your eyes and look at yourself in the mirror again, only with the “look of a discoverer”.

“Constantly turn on live gaze throughout the day. Explore your condition, the reaction of other people to it, ”asks the psychologist. This practice will help move a little beyond the script, he said.

It is dangerous to do deeper exercises without preparation, Kurkin tells about them at the end of his marathon, as well as to the students of his educational center. His online relationship magazine also contains a lot of practical tips.

Don't wait for magic

The script is often formed as a result of the child's identification with the hero from fairy tales.

“Take any fairy tale and remove the magic from it. What will the hero's life be like then? The secret to a happy relationship is to stop waiting for magic, a good sorceress. There is no such thing in life! And it starts right now, ”sums up the author of the marathon.

Vadim Kurkin is known today as an effective coach-trainer in business sales and relationships between people. His activities are aimed at revealing the deep foundations of interactions in the family, between people in general. Each of us wants to be in demand and successful, but in fact only a few achieve this. Why does this happen? You need to know how to properly move towards the desired goal.

Vadim Kurkin is the founder of the so-called psychology of the future; he touches upon the desires of people themselves in his seminars. His performances have enjoyed considerable success. Vadim Kurkin is the author of various courses and trainings. His work is aimed primarily at the personal growth and development of each participant.

A bit of history. Biography

Vadim Kurkin began his career relatively early - at the age of seventeen. In the beginning, it was focused only on successful sales. For some time he combined employment with his own training and development. However, I wanted more. The young man understood that significant success can only be achieved through tremendous dedication, patience and hard work. At the same time, he never had the desire to simply work for hire and earn money.

I have always dreamed of finding a source of my own driving force, inspiration that would lead me. Vadim Kurkin owes his own victory to himself. His biography once again confirms that nothing is impossible for a purposeful and active person.

From Sales Coaching to Relationship Coaching

When the young specialist started giving useful lectures on management, talking about it, he noticed one peculiarity. Women attended his seminars most often, and there were relatively few men. Moreover, young girls also attended the meetings; they listened to the coach with the greatest attention. Suddenly, Vadim realized what was the matter: all these lovely ladies did not come to learn effective sales, they wanted to know the secrets of relationships with the opposite sex. They were interested in how to create a harmonious, happy family, to strengthen relations with an existing partner, to bring more trust and attentiveness into them.

Kurkin began to answer questions from the participants and became interested in these topics himself. Then the realization came to him that abstract success does not give much, which a person actually strives for, does not satisfy his inner personal need - to be loved and needed.

As a result, the coach was able to combine the two components and came up with a single concept of individual success. It is this that he currently shares in his seminars, online courses and trainings.

Center for Practical Psychology

It was created for the successful implementation of all those new ideas and thoughts that literally attacked the young man. The Vadim Kurkin Center has become an excellent addition to the existing knowledge. With his help, he was able to convey to people directly his own thoughts and views of the world.

Center practical psychology includes courses on harmonious relationships, seminars and webinars for women who dream of changing their lives for the better. Next, the main courses of the trainer will be considered, the theoretical aspects to which he pays close attention at these meetings.

"Secrets of a Happy Relationship"

This seminar covers a large number of issues on the interaction of spouses with each other. Vadim Kurkin expresses an interesting idea that in real, holistic relationships there is complete interdependence, the belonging of spouses to each other. There are people who want to be independent and avoid attachments in their lives in every possible way. Vadim Kurkin very competently debunks the myth of praising his own freedom. Such a person, as a rule, suffers from oppressive loneliness, unfulfillment, but it does not even occur to him that he is doing wrong and it is time to change something.

Another important postulate is the statement that it is important for a woman to motivate a man for success, to create additional inspiration for him, an incentive for action. According to Vadim Kurkin, a man needs very little for himself, and everything he does is achieved only for the sake of his second half. If the stronger sex is deprived of the opportunity to take care of the well-being of his companion, then he will not take any steps in order to delight himself with some purchases. A man will not find meaning and satisfaction in this.

At the seminar, the author, together with the participants, examines the role of men and women in each other's lives. To create a harmonious union, you first need to come to an understanding of how everything works. The greatest mistake is trying to live selfishly and the woman to take responsibility for the whole family. This is the prerogative of the stronger sex, it is not necessary to deprive him of such a right. This is what Vadim Kurkin is talking about. His books confirm the correctness and reasonableness of this position.

"The time for happiness is now"

This course is designed for an audience that is focused on action. Learning how to develop effectively and attract good luck is relevant for many people. Some of us are not ready to take concrete steps today, and that's why we suffer. and finding time to communicate with your family when you are very busy - these are the main burning questions. The training helps to believe in yourself, to find inner balance.

"Education without punishment"

The course talks about how to properly build relationships with your own children. Some parents cannot do without the use of punishment, and this negatively affects the personal development of the growing child. According to Kurkin, children need to be raised with love, demonstrating their protection and patronage in practice. Words are important, but they cost comparatively less than actual actions and actions. Give your child warmth and sympathy, he wants to feel parental support in everything!

Vadim Kurkin. Reviews

Participants in the trainings note one amazing feature: after completing a course, they feel filled, inspired to implement any ideas. Women often admit that they were already in despair, and only this meeting with knowledgeable person helped them to realize their true role and purpose in the family.

The relationship between a man and a woman is one of the foundations of any person's life. We can have a favorite and well-paid job, loyal friends, a hobby ... But if there is no half, then all the other delights of life do not please. Or there is a relationship, but with the note "everything is complicated." Quarrels, misunderstandings, conflicts out of the blue. Better to be alone at all!

The life of many of us revolves in this vicious circle - closely together, boring apart. Hence, betrayal, parting, pain, another experience of unsuccessful relationships. Vadim Kurkin is a successful psychologist, author of articles and lectures, who undertakes to teach anyone the secrets of happiness in relationships.

There are only two ways in a relationship.

What does the Vadim Kurkin Center do? The secrets of a happy relationship are what the attendees of his trainings and lectures will learn. Without contentment in love, it is impossible to become happy in other areas of life.

Take a look at your relationship with your partner from the outside. Where are you going and are you going at all? Vadim Kurkin claims that there are only two ways to develop any relationship. This is either development and growth, or joint degradation.

Why did the wrong person meet again

"And again I was disappointed in her, she turned out to be the same as all the previous ones." Surely you have heard similar phrases from others, if you did not say similar things yourself. Often we blame the loneliness of the world, which stubbornly slips us the wrong partners.

Vadim Kurkin's training will reveal a hard truth for you - we meet only those people who are worthy at this level of development and whom we attract ourselves. Any woman is a mirror image of a nearby man, and vice versa. Not satisfied with your partner? Stop looking for the reasons for failure in it, and pay attention to yourself. Give up for a while from relationships, engage in self-improvement and return to the search after a while refreshed.

The importance of choice

Vadim Kurkin believes that often relationships do not work out only because a man or a woman is afraid to make a choice. The choice is the beginning of the path, the recognition that this is “my man” or “my woman”. It is the choice that is considered the starting point of your relationship.

But keep in mind that it is difficult to make a choice, since it means accepting responsibility, and not only for your decision, but also for a specific person chosen, says Vadim Kurkin.

The psychologist argues that, on the other hand, after making a conscious choice, relationships are simplified. A man is a breadwinner in his role. Having chosen a woman, he can begin to give her gifts, invest in the development of "we are together." It's hard for a woman without a choice. She cannot love a man, look after and take care of him, until he is "her".

There is one "but" in the matter of choice. You cannot accept any person who has entered your life. Like, well, I choose him, I will try with him, and if anything, I will re-choose. When choosing a partner, you must imagine that he will be with you forever, and feel joy from this. If the thought of a long-term relationship with a specific person does not inspire your enthusiasm, then you should wait and wait for a more suitable pair.

What if this is not my man?

Another reason that makes us delay the choice is the fear of error. You will spend time, effort and money, and this is simply not your person, but just passed by. What does Vadim Kurkin say about this?

The reviews of those who attended his training are enthusiastic - the psychologist calls not for philosophical research, but for action. Your fears will go away when you make a choice. Take a chance, and then time will tell.

Or such a situation - for some reason, you choose from two potential partners and mark time. As long as you do nothing, Vadim Kurkin believes, nothing good will happen in your life. Choose, even if not your own, and then you will understand. After all, experience is a consequence of action, not reflection.

The floors of a house called "relationship"

In the developed lectures, the Vadim Kurkin Center asserts the following: relations are not a haphazard chaotic movement from quarrels to a truce, but a structure that can be successfully managed and improved. Everyone has a role to play in a relationship, and if you follow it and “play honestly,” you have a chance to build a strong “home” in which you two will be comfortable and cozy.

The floor called "security"

Take it as an axiom that the man leads, he is the first, and the woman follows him, she is the second - this is what Vadim Kurkin claims.

The opinions of psychologists vary, but this assumption makes sense. The base for life is built on the ground floor of relationships. A man is a breadwinner. On his shoulders lies the responsibility for food, life and safety of relationships. At this stage of building relationships, it is important for a woman to learn to be weak and be able to ask for help. Even if you can do it yourself, allow yourself to accept your partner's help.

No one owes nothing to nobody

Second floor - desires

On this "floor" of relations, a woman is in charge. A healthy, beautiful woman should have desires, and that's fine. But there is a huge difference between a capricious beggar and a wise woman who knows how to properly present her desires. Imagine a girl who is always capricious and whines that she needs this and that. “I want a new dress, like Katya's! Let's go to the restaurant! And Masha gave her a new phone, and you gave me nothing ”.

And imagine a girl who, hugging her beloved, talks about her dreams, how they will move from a rented room to their own apartment, where she will put things in order and comfort. Or how she will be irresistible in a new dress for a walk with her beloved.

The first girl causes annoyance, while the second encourages action and the search for means to realize desires. A woman can desire anything, the only difference is how it is presented. If you know how to wish and ask correctly, then your man will gladly carry it out.

Of course, there must be common sense in requests and in what a woman wants. For example, it's silly to describe how you want a mink coat for 100 thousand rubles, if your total income per month is only 40.

Third floor - goals

A man, fueled by the desires of his beloved, will be able not only to set goals, but also to achieve them, while earning money. It's good if a woman has a favorite business that generates income, but if she “leads” or earns more than a man, then it will be more difficult to build relationships. It is better for a woman to stimulate and motivate her beloved, while not forgetting about the desires from the second floor.

Fourth floor - admiration

This is the women's floor, Vadim Kurkin believes. On this site of the relationship, a woman should admire her man, words inspire him to action. When a woman believes in her man, even in case of failure, he will not lose heart.

How should a woman behave if a man has become a victim of circumstances? Do not set yourself the goal of "pulling" him out of a depression, you are not a mother, you are a companion. Your man is strong. Leave him alone with you, give him the opportunity to concentrate and think about everything yourself. But at the stage of life, where everything develops, be there and share the joy of success.

Creativity lives on the fifth floor

A man should be in charge of a relationship on this floor. Ideas for spending time together, relaxing, what to do together on the upcoming weekend. Every man has a huge creative potential, which should be shown in the form of a hobby - sports, fishing, creating something with your own hands or digging in the garage. If a man does not give out this energy, quarrels are inevitable, where the creative energy will be transformed into destructive one.

Sixth floor - intuition

Any woman, whoever she is by profession and role in life, has a deep inner connection with the cosmos. A woman's sense is not an invention, but a real "sixth sense" that will work especially well if you are not afraid to trust him.

A man should listen to the advice of his beloved if she says "I feel", "I have a premonition." A woman, on the other hand, should not be silent about her feelings about future events, any upcoming plans or work affairs of a man.

Everyone's place in the "house" of relationships

Now think about where your place and your partner are in the built house. Are you encroaching on the territory where your soul mate should lead, are you taking on too much? Or, on the contrary, do you refuse to dominate where you should?

Refuse to control not your floors, from putting things in order there. Take on your part of the responsibilities so that everything is good and smooth on your "field". I want to be in a harmoniously arranged relationship, since they do not burden, but inspire and push both partners to development, says Vadim Kurkin.

The educational center named after him encourages everyone to analyze the state of their own "home". If you understand that not everything is going smoothly, then do not rush to destroy it, and hastily build a new one with the next partner. It is easier to renovate than to build a building from scratch. Use the best practices of Vadim Kurkin to embody all your plans for a happy relationship.