My wife doesn't. Why a wife does not want a husband, sex, intimacy - reasons

Wife doesn't want sex

Difficulties in relationships

Wife doesn't want sex

One of the main problems of men over 30 is the lack of desire of the wife to have sex. Or rather, this state of affairs, when in the evening a man comes home and sees a woman who treats him with contempt. She refuses any attempts and hints of making love, which infuriates the man and makes him extremely angry.

And then some begin to look for love and women's care on the side, and they do it quite successfully. And others withdraw into themselves and begin to gradually destroy their male pride and health. Here we are talking about evening beer, gatherings with men and a complete reluctance to go home and see this sour and insipid wife, who will not say anything good anyway.

This situation will sooner or later lead to the destruction of the family or more serious conflicts on a nervous basis. Since a man cannot live without female affection and love. He begins to go crazy, becomes irritable and decides to leave the family. And we can say with confidence that this state of affairs needs to be urgently corrected.

Wanting sex with your wife is perfectly normal

Although the problem affects your wife's head, you yourself suffer from it. If she really does not want to have sex and she has no desire to be with you, it will take you time and effort to get to the reason for this behavior.

The mistake of many men is that they begin to look for the cause in themselves, which is categorically wrong. Remember: the desire to have sex is normal for people. If you want sex, but your wife does not? - then this is your wife's problem.

Therefore, you do not need to read magazines and articles about how fatigue and work affect sexual desire. Normal marital relations include regular sex with the wife. If this does not happen for any reason, this is a clear sign that your union is under threat. It's not your fault, you want a normal marriage.

It is difficult to say the true reasons, but if the wife makes you feel like a maniac and a sexually preoccupied person, she clearly does not respect you. This state of affairs cannot continue for long. Sooner or later, you will accumulate discontent, and you will find another woman.

Why does my wife not want to have sex?

She gets tired. Some women get really tired at work or at home with children, that in the evening they only have enough strength to get to the bed and slam into it. Such wives can be easily distinguished by their sleepy state, sluggish gait and sound sleep. In other words, a person gets tired so that he really does not need anything.

And if in the evening she has enough strength to sit and watch TV shows, sit with classmates or contacts, chat with her friends or go for a walk with the girls, then this is definitely not fatigue.

She recently gave birth to a child. Girls after childbirth experience a reduced sexual desire, which can be described as follows: “You have already given birth, so watch the baby. You don't need another yet." And no matter how hard a man tries and tries to get his wife, nature puts a stop and that's it.

There are even girls who themselves understand that their husband is ill, but they cannot overpower themselves. This condition can last from 2 months to 2 years, and the woman can actually do nothing with herself.

You don't turn her on. Women want to see strong and successful men next to them who have charisma and masculinity. And it's hard to catch the line when you stop being the man of her dreams and turn into a boring roommate who brings money and occasionally surprises. Most often, it is this reason that becomes the stumbling block that destroys the family.

She found another. If a woman has fallen out of love with her husband and has found a new boyfriend, then she will not immediately say about it. She will hide, squirm, and gradually accept the thought that her marriage is over. She, in essence, makes parting for herself softer and calmer. And sex is not the part that will help her wean herself from her man. Therefore, she does not deal with it.

What to do if the wife does not want sex

How can you change the situation anyway? If the wife says that she is too tired, and when you show your affection and desire, she begins to swear and say that you are preventing her from resting. You still need to try to change this situation and take action.

Many men begin to show care and affection, give flowers and arrange dinners with candles. They also help with household chores, take care of children and the like. Yes, it will really work. You will have sex. But it will be due to female gratitude, and not attraction and desire. After a while, everything will return again to a situation without sex.

She can justify such behavior that at this stage of her life, her career, family, parents or children, have become more important. It sounds plausible, but a pure lie that obscures the real reason.

You need to understand male sexuality. A woman wants and desires to have sex with a successful and strong man. The problem is not with you, but with her. She doesn't find you sexy anymore. Therefore, you need to become more independent, self-confident and, of course, put your body in order. When you do this, she will climb to you, and you have to choose whether you want it or not.

You are not offended by your wife, you do not quarrel with her, you just start to take care of yourself and make yourself better. And then she herself will run to you, as she will want and be afraid that another will desire you.

Everyone would like love in a couple to be eternal and last until the grave. However, this is not always the case. Much more often, after a few years of marriage, a husband and wife have to wonder what to do if the wife does not love her husband or, conversely, the husband has lost romantic feelings for his wife. It is the first case that will be discussed. Situations when a wife has fallen out of love with her husband are by no means rare; and almost always they create a serious crack in the relationship, causing legitimate doubts about the possibility of their continuation. What to do in this case? There are several solutions to this problem.

The first and most obvious is divorce. Of course, parting with a partner with whom you have lived for so many years is always painful; however, this option should be carefully considered. The basis on which a happy family is built is, first of all, love; and without this foundation, further relations will either be impossible, or will move into the category of purely material, based solely on a joint economy. However, in the modern world, people no longer need to live with a partner solely in order to alleviate their financial situation - each person can now live independently. It is not surprising that so many couples do not see the point in continuing a relationship from which love has left. And sometimes a break is the best option; instead of suffering with an unloved partner, you can leave, having the opportunity to build a happy relationship with a new person.

However, you should not chop off your shoulder - you first need to understand the problem. Often the reasons that a wife does not love her husband are fixable, and therefore it can be quite realistic to restore relations. For example, often cooling of feelings can be caused by constant quarrels or unpleasant qualities of a husband. Sometimes what a woman takes for the disappearance of love for a partner can be banal depression or stress; often cooling of feelings occurs due to the fact that spouses pay little attention to each other and spend little time together; and the leading position in the list of reasons for the cooling of love is occupied by everyday life, on which love boats so often break. Thus, it is quite realistic to return the love of your wife and improve relations if you try to analyze your feelings and possible reasons for such a situation together.

If the reason for the disappeared or weakened love lies precisely in the above reasons - it's time to get down to returning love. You need to remember the time of courting your future wife and try all the same methods that once allowed you to win her love. Depending on the situation, it is worth trying two different ways to solve the problem - either to pause the relationship for a while, or, on the contrary, spend as much time as possible with each other. The first option is ideal if the wife is tired of family life and wants to be alone for a while to deal with feelings and thoughts; it is possible that after such a break, she will again inflame with the same feelings. And the second option is great in any other situation - if you make it clear to a woman that she is dear and loved, then it is likely that this will cause her feelings in return!

Hello dear men! Understanding the feelings of a wife is not always easy and easy. It seems she is angry and swears, but in fact she loves to the core. And sometimes, on the contrary, she does not scandalize and behaves calmly, but she has already cooled down and does not have any feelings for you. The topic of today's article: how to understand the female soul, what to do if the wife does not love her husband, the signs and reasons for such an outcome.

I want to bring to your attention a book that will help you understand your feelings and the feelings of your wife, refresh your memory of the period of falling in love and, perhaps, help you look at your spouse with a new look - Helen Fisher Why do we love».

anxiety symptoms

It is impossible to live in harmony all the time. Even the ideal and happy couple has moments of quarrels, difficulties and disagreements. But why do some manage to go through all the obstacles and again, while others fail to make contact? Love. She is the one who works wonders.

When both partners love each other and are ready to compromise, work on themselves and on relationships, then everything will definitely work out and work out. But it is worth one of the spouses to lower their hands and step aside, like. Today I will tell you what signs will tell you that your wife has cooled off.

If you cannot find answers to some questions that are very important to you and are afraid that the problems that have arisen cannot be solved, sign up for a Skype consultation with me.

Bed

A sure sign of cooled feelings is a cold bed. Of course, couples with a long history of family life are less likely to give themselves to love pleasures, but they still exist. And when you can’t even remember the last time, it’s worth considering whether everything is as good as it seems.

A woman who does not have any feelings for a man will come up with excuses. She doesn't want to be intimate with him. Therefore, if your spouse, who has long ceased to flirt with you, does not show any female activity, then this is a clear bell of her cooling feelings for you.

Attention and care

In a normal, healthy relationship, spouses take care of each other and help and support in every possible way. When there are no feelings, then there is no desire to show attention either. A person begins to seem like a stranger, and there is no desire to take care of a stranger.

She does not ask how you are, she is not interested in your life. For her, there are only her needs and desires. She spends all her time on herself. And for children, if any. She no longer works for you. She doesn't care about this issue.

Respect and trust

I always say that these are the two pillars of a happy family life. Therefore, if you notice disrespectful treatment and behavior from your spouse to yourself, then this is a clear sign of her alienation.

And about trust, the question here is as follows - a woman doesn’t care about a man, it doesn’t matter where he is, with whom, how he spends time, what he does. She is losing interest. Therefore, he does not arrange questions with predilection, does not call every five minutes, is not interested in why he was late.

Scandals and tantrums

The flip side of indifference is a splash of negative emotions on you. She will constantly reproach, talk about yours, see only the bad in everything, she will not like everything and it is impossible to please such a woman.

She will throw out all her negative emotions on you. The day didn’t work out - you are to blame, if you broke your nail - you are to blame, your friend didn’t come to the meeting - you again. And so on ad infinitum. In everything she sees you as guilty and involved in her troubles and misfortunes.

Avoidance of communication

Another sign - she does not want to communicate. He tries to go to bed before you arrive, gets up later than you when you have already left for work. At all . She no longer wants to intersect and communicate.

Is there a way out

If you noticed only one of the signs in your beloved wife, then you should not immediately think that everything is bad and it's time to disperse. Every couple goes through different periods. It is human nature to doubt sometimes. So, one of the spouses may think about whether he made the right choice at the time, whether he builds his “happily ever after” with the right person.

Such a period can be considered a test of your feelings. And if you solve problems together, provide the necessary support, talk honestly and openly, share your thoughts, fears, desires and plans, then you will overcome everything. The main thing is together.

But if you found a lot of symptoms, then you need to think about what to do next and what to do. First of all, I advise you to read the article "". After all, sometimes on emotions we decide on just such a step. Just break everything and burn bridges. Believe me, this is not an option. Especially if there are still feelings and you can save your relationship.

If she does not leave, then there is still an opportunity to become happy again. Don't expect changes from your spouse. Start with yourself. I'm not saying that only a man should act and change something. But waiting for change from another person is stupid and useless. Start acting yourself.

Change your relationship with your spouse. Try again. Do to her, invite her on dates, flirt with her too. You will not even notice how it will blossom and become completely different.

Sign up for a Skype consultation with me and together we will find a way out of this situation.

Remember that in many ways a woman is a reflection of her man. Change your attitude towards her. Remember that girl you fell in love with once and try to bring freshness into your relationship.

What symptoms did you find in your wife? How can you check if there is still a chance to fix everything? When was the last time you told your wife that you love her?

Be a brave and strong man who is ready to do anything for his woman.
Good luck to you!

Unfortunately, many married couples face difficulties in intimate life, and some husbands complain that their wives are completely untempered. And yet, it is important to note that this is a rather rare case when a woman herself has a rather low sexual activity. It often happens that husbands who consider their wife cold or almost frigid are surprised to learn that she has a lover. Why does this happen, and how can it be avoided?

Why a woman does not want a man - the most common reasons

So, consider the most obvious cases due to which a woman can avoid intimacy with her partner.

You've been together for too long, feelings have cooled

You have been together for more than a month and the former fuse, of course, has already been left behind. Some couples, even after several years of living together, maintain passion in their intimate relationships and "warm up" each other's feelings, but for this you need to have a mutual desire, constantly show imagination and initiative - for many people this is almost overwhelming work. And yet it is important to note that even if you have been together for a long time, no extravaganza is happening in your relationship, and you are not doing anything in order to correct this state of affairs, this does not mean at all that everything is lost for your relationship. If you still live under the same roof, then you have a chance to rectify the situation. Remember that life and habit have become enemies for harmony in the relationships of many couples, and this can be changed if desired.

Wife is pregnant or has not passed away after a recent birth

The period of expectation of a baby and the first months of life often becomes a happy time in the life of most couples. And yet, during these months, many spouses are forced to face some restrictions in intimate life. Not every husband treats this situation with understanding and patience, which gives rise to conflicts in the family and repels the woman even more. Note that during pregnancy, abstinence from sex is not a whim of a woman, but a serious recommendation from a doctor! You can prove as much as you like that a colleague and his wife did not change the quality of intimate life with the onset of pregnancy, but do not forget that each organism is individual, and in contrast to your story, a wife can tell how her friend ended up in a hospital bed after sexual contact with husband. Sometimes, indeed, a woman can refuse intimacy with her husband, even without the guidance of a gynecologist. Perhaps she intuitively feels that this will not affect her pregnancy in the best way and be afraid for the child (forgive her this suspiciousness, she wants it to be the best), or her libido has decreased, and she really just does not want sex to disgust. The second option, indeed, is common among many pregnant women, and they cannot do anything about it.

All the forces of the spouse are taken by the family or work

The wife is so tired at work or doing family affairs that she simply does not have physical strength left for the intimate sphere of life. There are women who manage to do everything in the world and feel great, almost never sitting down for a minute during the day. Often such energetic persons grow out of hyperactive girls. And yet, do not forget that it is not for nothing that most women are considered weak and fragile creatures for a reason. Of course, this does not mean that they do not need to do anything at work and at home so that their husband can periodically enjoy sex with them, but still, often they are really forced to take on responsibilities that they cannot afford.

Which families usually face this problem? Option one: in the morning, the wife goes to work, where she spends the bulk of the day, performing her work duties. She comes home at about the same time as her husband (even if a little earlier). After work, she goes to the stove, cooks dinner, does chores around the house, checks on the child's homework, or does anything else that doesn't look like just sitting on the couch. What is your husband doing after work? He rests, believing that his wife is engaged in quite easy "women's duties." After resting and gaining strength after a working day, a man is ready for sexual exploits, while his life partner dreams of only one thing - sleep. Some husbands are indignant that sex is not work, “lie down and have fun,” and yet a woman thinks so - whatever one may say, at least some physical activity must be shown. If a woman is very tired during the day, then thoughts of intimacy do not excite her at all, and the most pleasant picture that she can imagine is taking a hot bath and a sweet dream.

You have ceased to be an attractive macho for her.

Your appearance has changed significantly since the first dates with your wife. And we are not talking about natural age-related changes - gray hair or wrinkles. Surely, you know examples of how, with age, some men, on the contrary, acquire a special attraction for women. Many celebrities can serve as an example, including Robert Downey Jr., George Clooney, Tom Cruise and others. These men did not spit on themselves, and still remain the heroes of women's dreams. Can you say that you look sexy and alluring to the opposite sex (not just your wife)? Some people, both men and women, having entered into marriage, stop monitoring their appearance, believing that since they have found their other half, they no longer need to attract the attention of other potential partners. This is a big mistake, because if you stopped taking care of yourself, then, for sure, you lost your attractiveness not only for other women, but also for your spouse.

The wife often remains unsatisfied after sex

Some women tell their spouse about this right at the beginning of a relationship or at a time when the quality of their sexual life with him begins to deteriorate. If a man does not pay due attention to this problem, then over time, having lost hope that the situation may change, the wife stops expressing her claims or hinting at them, and instead simply tries to avoid intimacy, not feeling satisfied from her. Note that if a woman does not get real pleasure from sex with some man, then she considers such a pastime with him to be just wasted time. For the first months or even years, the wife may not show it, but later it will become increasingly difficult for her to hide her disappointment and irritation.

The wife has a lover

This is the saddest development of events that can be for you in this situation. Of course, it is quite difficult to justify a woman who has decided to have a connection on the side, but still you should not shift the responsibility in this situation solely to the partner. Think well, can it be that in some way you are also to blame for the fact that your wife has a lover? Were you both satisfied with the quality of your marital sex life; Did you give your wife the attention she needed? Have you yourself been seen in the past in any affair on the side? Did you create an unbearable emotional atmosphere in the house, as a result of which the wife could begin to look for an outlet on the side? Can you tell that she looked like a really happy woman next to you? Give yourself honest answers to these questions.

If the wife nevertheless has a lover, then this fully explains why she avoids intimacy with you. In the case of infidelity, men and women behave differently. A man can be spurred on by his affair on the side, as a result of which intimate life with his wife becomes richer and more diverse. Women act in a completely different way - often they focus their attention on only one man. In this case, we are talking about a lover. Having received from a new partner what she lacked in marriage, a woman can sincerely fall in love with this man and even believe that by having sex with her husband, she is cheating on “her man”.

Be that as it may, if a woman nevertheless decided to take this step, you have low chances to improve relations in the family, and, most likely, for a number of reasons, in the end you still have to disperse.

What to do if the wife refuses intimacy with her husband

Of course, such behavior on the part of the spouse cannot be unreasonable. Try to figure out what exactly dictated the wife's reluctance to enter into intimacy with you. In fact, there may be several options.

Find out the reasons for not wanting to sleep together

The easiest way to clarify this question is to ask your wife directly. Pick a good time to talk. This conversation should not start when you or your spouse are irritated or either of you is feeling tired. In this state of affairs, most likely, either a scandal or a crumpled and completely unproductive conversation awaits you. It would be most appropriate to invite your spouse to a romantic dinner, and raise your concern in a relaxed atmosphere. Please note that your conversation should not look like an interrogation with an addiction - in this way, you only risk ruining the evening. After a glass of wine, seeing that the wife is relaxed and happy in the evening, offer to talk about what is bothering you. Immediately explain that you are not making a claim to her, but simply want to understand in which direction you should move in order for your family life to become better and suit both of you. If the spouse is not in the mood for a conversation, do not put pressure on her and do not show aggression. Close the topic, and don't let this evening end badly. Undoubtedly, the wife will appreciate such a step, and next time she will be more open with you.

Take on all the responsibilities of a man

Often the reasons why a woman refuses to have sex with her husband lie on the surface, but the man simply does not want to notice them, quite rightly not seeing the connection between a broken refrigerator and his wife's unwillingness to have intimacy. And yet, it is useful for many husbands to know that if they refuse to take on men's duties with enviable regularity, delaying the solution of the problem as much as possible, then, sadly, a woman ceases to see a man in him. As a result, this extends to other spheres of life - not only household ones. As soon as you begin to monitor the health of the appliances in the house, do not shy away from the requests of your wife and your obvious duties, you will begin to notice how the attitude of the spouse gradually begins to change. As a result, the solution to your problem may be much easier than you think.

Help her in everyday life and with children

For some time now, it has become so customary that some families (mainly at the suggestion of a man) have divided responsibilities into male and female. what does it usually look like? A man once a season nails a nail and repairs a junk TV, and a woman devotes several hours of her life every day to cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing, doing homework with children, and the like. This situation is tolerable when a woman is in the status of a housewife, and a man is the only breadwinner in the family. Nevertheless, such situations often occur in families where the husband and wife work almost on an equal footing, only now the husband rests after work, and the wife "steps into the second shift." Over time, a woman begins to understand that it is very difficult for her in such a marriage, and she begins to think about divorce as a “liberation”. For many men, such a problem seems far-fetched, and in the meantime, more and more women feel unhappy and tired, and, accordingly, in this position it is quite difficult to inflame passion for a spouse.

Let her feel that she is loved and desired.

Let the beloved woman, being next to you, feel that she once married yours for a reason, and now she is just as desirable for you as at the very beginning of the relationship. How to achieve this? First of all, do not forget about the compliments that many husbands eventually begin to neglect in family life. Pay attention if your wife has a new hairstyle or just styled her hair in an unusual way; if she smells of pleasant perfume; talk about how beautiful her smile, eyes are (this is nice to hear not only at the initial stages of dating). In general, compliment not only her culinary skills, as is often the case in marriage - “Borscht was especially successful today”, “The meat was well baked”, “What a magnificent pie!” and so on - but also her looks. Even if you do not notice any special changes in your wife, say nice words to her - this can be a great motivation for her to become better and more beautiful, because she will know that "her husband notices."

Give compliments and give flowers

Compliments have already been mentioned, but this is exactly the topic that requires particularly close attention, and it should be remembered not in passing, but well understood - it is really very important for a woman to hear words of admiration from a man. Have you ever thought about how a lover usually appears in the life of a woman? Often it looks like this: the wife is tired of everyday life and has not felt the attention and delight from her husband for a long time. All their topics come down to children, products, cleaning. taking out the garbage, repairing and other topics devoid of any romance. Then a “little miracle” happens in the woman’s life: a certain man tells her that she has luxurious hair or “cornflower blue” eyes. From that moment on, she begins to think about these words, about this man - she remembers that she is not only a caring mother, spouse and mistress, but also a woman who can evoke romantic thoughts in a man. If she has enough romance and family life, then she will simply pass by her ears any characteristic of her smile, eyes and melodic laughter.

Give flowers to your beloved woman, make unusual surprises for her, talk about how she is loved and desired, pay attention to changes in appearance, express delight, say kind words, and you will become the best man for her, which is impossible not to desire.

Pleasantly surprise her in bed with new caresses or poses

Over time, the performance of marital duty for many couples becomes somehow mechanical. Everything goes according to the “knurled scheme”, and takes a minimum amount of time or looks pretty monotonous. Each sexual intercourse is similar to the previous one, and practically does not cause any trepidation, both for the husband and the wife. You are quite capable of correcting this situation. Please note that new experiments should not be started when the wife falls down after a hard day's work. It is best to arrange a romantic evening for the two of you, relax with a glass of wine, “warm up” a woman with affectionate words, and only then get down to business.

This evening, make yourself an installation - first of all, you want to please your wife in bed. Surely, during your married life, you managed to study the erogenous zones of your beloved. Now you can experience new caresses in these areas, having previously watched an erotic film (choose a project that is popular with a female audience). You can also read relevant literature or ask your beloved if she has any fantasies about this. Experiment with the position, but this night should not be like a beginner acrobat's course - you should not try many innovations at once, in such conditions it is quite difficult for a woman to concentrate and begin to enjoy the process.

What does Orthodoxy say about this?

The Orthodox Church encourages the fulfillment of marital duty - this is a natural phenomenon between loving spouses. It is also worth noting that the church classifies adultery as a sin and, therefore, treats them negatively. In addition, any priest will tell you that it is better to refrain from intimacy during fasting, although there are no strict instructions on this matter either - such abstinence should be a mature decision of a husband and wife, which is not dictated by fear of punishment.

• Talk to each other. Most problems are completely solved when the husband and wife begin to talk about them with each other, and try to find the best compromise. The conversation, of course, should not take place in a raised voice - it is important to choose the right time for dialogue, without putting pressure on your partner, without expressing your displeasure and irritation, but sincerely trying to understand what are the ways to solve an unpleasant situation.
• A change of scenery. In many families, problems begin due to the fact that relationships are mired in everyday matters, and cease to differ in any variety. Until you reach the “boiling point”, it is best to change the disgusting environment and forget about your home and work responsibilities for a while, devoting your attention exclusively to each other. The easiest way to do this is on vacation - allow yourself at least a short trip (weekend), and make such outings your family tradition - this will only affect marriage in a positive way. Go on tours that suit both of you - otherwise the trip can become another reason for a quarrel. Example: the husband loves a quiet beach holiday, and the wife loves to go to museums and exhibitions, but the choice is made in accordance with the preferences of only one of the parties.
• Notice your mistakes. Many families are faced with misunderstandings in relationships and cooling of feelings, due to the fact that they are trying to shift the blame for a collapsing family on the shoulders of a partner. If you notice this feature behind you, then you should seriously reconsider your views. Do not think about how bad your partner is, and how many difficulties have arisen in your marriage solely because of him. It is much more productive to start solving the problem with yourself. Think about what you can do for your marriage, for your other half, so that the atmosphere in the family improves. The partner, noticing that you put pressure on him and do not demand "feats", but instead are trying for the good of the family, will surely be able to draw the right conclusions for himself and begin to take an example from you.