Looking for a second wife for my husband: A girl posted an ad about finding a virgin for an ideal spouse. Looking for a second wife for my husband: A girl posted an ad about finding a virgin for an ideal spouse Where to find 2 wife

14.12.2019

DUSHANBE, July 6 - Sputnik. Religious dating sites are gaining popularity online - for Orthodox, Muslims and Jews. RIA Novosti correspondent Maria Shustova decided to find out who representatives of different religions are looking for on the Internet.

Be my second wife

Muslim profiles on dating sites are diverse.

So, the dating site Nikah.su in the column "marital status" offers not only to choose the status of "free", "divorced" or "widower", but also "married - looking for a second wife". This is a very interesting option, given that in Russia, citizens can officially only be in one marriage.

But when asked about religion, it is proposed to choose only one of the currents of Islam: "traditional", "ahlu sunnah wal jamaa", "salafiya", "asharism or maturidism", "Sufism", "Shiism", "other", "just a Muslim ".

Also, site guests need to answer how strictly they observe the religious rules of Islam, whether they performed the Hajj or die, how many surahs of the Koran they know by heart, and to the ladies whether they wear a hijab.

Visitors are allowed to choose only one of the already available options.

Marriage without carnal relations

The first dating site for the Orthodox, which is given out by a search engine, is the ABC of Fidelity. Here they offer to read the Bible, a prayer book, study the church calendar, and at the same time find your love. The choice of candidates for the role of the second half is quite wide: more than 15 thousand men and almost 18 thousand women.

As on other similar sites, here you first fill out a questionnaire. After information about the presence of children from previous marriages, the client of the site must tell about his religion. There are as many as three options: "member of the Church," "I'm going to church," or "I just respect." But the authors of the site admitted the possibility of other religious views: the Old Believers, Catholicism, Islam, and so on.

Screenshot of the page of the dating site "Azbuka fidelity"

Further, in addition to education and profession, you need to indicate how active your spiritual life is, how often and in which temple you go. And between the question of attitudes towards smoking and your favorite style of clothing, you have to admit how often you read the Holy Scriptures.

In addition, the questionnaire will ask if you have an "intimate past" and whether you are considering "the possibility of marriage with a person with an intimate past" or "living in a marriage like brother and sister, without carnal relations." And finally, you will be asked to tell what carnal love is for you.

As you fill out the questionnaire on its margins, you can admire the photographs of couples who got married precisely thanks to the ABC of Fidelity.

just chat

The Jewish dating site Sara and Rashel is practically no different from secular ones. Unlike the Orthodox and Muslims, there is no strict setting for marriage here - you can just find a friend, chat.

The specificity of the site lies only in the fact that it is necessary to confirm your Jewishness - "by mother", "father", "by both", "accepted Jewishness (conversion)", "in the stage of conversion" or "by father and accepted conversion" .

And besides, you will be asked to write about your attitude to Jewish traditions: “I observe”, “partially observe”, “I do not observe”, “I do not observe and have no desire to do so” or “I do not observe, but I would like to”.

All other questions are from the classic set of dating sites.

Alphonse and guardians

There are several forums on the Internet where believers discuss religious dating sites. There, in addition to enthusiastic responses, there are warnings about the danger.

For example: "The site is good because there are a lot of good, kind and adequate people." "It's very nice to be on the site... People communicate, learn a lot of new things, improve their spiritual level. Someone is lucky and he finds his soul mate."

And then: “For several months I talked with a middle-aged man ... on the topic of Orthodoxy and a pious life, in the course of communication periodically interspersed, as if by the way, questions about my income, car brand, my living space and land, and once a person directly asked where we will live together.

Muslim dating sites are more strongly protective of their clients. In order to avoid fitnah (when deeds and words contradict the Qur'an), communication should take place with the consent and in the presence of the wali (guardian) of the bride.

"Target this resource- help in finding a life partner, so communication between the same sexes on the site is strictly limited," the administration warns.

“If I were a sultan…”, but really, what if a man wants to have two, three or four wives? There is an exit!

An Indonesian man created a dating app that helps men find multiple wives!

So this application will be interesting not only for men who want to find a second wife, but also for women who want to become a second or third wife.

Once realizing that many of the men who use online dating services were trying to find a second or third wife for themselves, Indonesian developer software decided to make life easier for them and created a dating website for polygamy.

A year ago, while browsing various Indonesian dating sites, Lindu Pranayama noticed that many of the visitors had already been married men and were looking for a second or third wife. Unfortunately for them, the vast majority of online dating services don't offer any options for polygamists, so he decided to create "AyoPoligami", which translates to "Let's Do Polygamy", a new smartphone app that is specifically designed for the needs of polygamists.

“When they go to regular dating sites, they don't see the options for polygamy. They don't see the options of finding second, third or fourth wives," Pranayama told Channel News Asia.

80% of Indonesia's population of 250 million are Muslims, and while polygamy is completely legal in that country, men can only take multiple wives under special circumstances. First, the first wife must give her consent, and even then, potential polygamists must obtain permission from the court to marry other women. Permission is most often granted in cases where the first wife has health problems or is unable to bear children. Therefore, polygamy is not particularly encouraged in Indonesia.

As a result, after the launch of this site in April this year, this service has received mixed reactions. There are a large number of people who believe that the app is trying to normalize polygamy at the expense of women, many of whom don't know what they're after and end up victims of domestic violence.

“The reality is that women tend to be victims of domestic violence in polygamous marriages – polygamy is a form of violence against women,” said Indriyati Suprano, Commissioner of the National Commission to Combat Violence Against Women.
However, AyoPoligami has become very popular among Indonesian men, who have already downloaded the app over 37,000 times since launch. The problem is that many registered accounts are actually fake, allowing polygamists to cheat women into marrying them without first getting permission from their first wives.

Due to these issues, Lindu Pranayama has temporarily disabled registration while he is working on a new version of the app that will require users to provide an ID card, their current marital status and a letter of consent from their current wives.
Interestingly, Lindu, who previously had difficulty finding the right life partner, recently married a woman he met through AyoPoligami. This is his first wife, and so far he does not plan to look for a second wife.

Here is such a “shoemaker without boots”, who decided to stop at “one boot”.

“I am looking for a second wife for my husband. The fact is that he is very active with me, you yourself understand in what way. Usually we have this happens 5-6 times a day, and on weekends it reaches up to 10. We have been married for 5 years and have two children. I am 26 years old, my husband is 2 years older. I can’t cope physically anymore, I go sleepy all the time, and it hurts between my legs, sorry for the details. He is very good, I love him very much. He is attentive, wealthy, caring, affectionate, loving, tall, handsome, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, reads namaz 5 times, well, just perfect man. He himself is against this idea, but agreed for my sake. Before me, he had no one, we are each other's first. He doesn't even look at other women. Those. I am doing the search. He said that if I find a young girl, unmarried, a virgin, who observes Islam, he will agree to marry. In terms of intimacy, I will reserve the right to one time, anything more will be the responsibility of the second wife. Please help me find a good candidate,” the announcement says.

It is worth noting that the users in the group perceived the request of the girl ambiguously. In less than a day, the “vacancy” received dozens of comments.

“This post, firstly, initially deliberately leads the public to the opinion that a second wife is the norm. People, do not succumb to provocations! We have a secular legal state! In itself, the expression "second wife" is unacceptable and contrary to the legislation of the Kyrgyz Republic! And, secondly, whether this post is fiction or reality, the author, write directly, as it is, “I am looking for a lover for my husband, not a second wife,” one of the users commented on the post.

However, users made the main emphasis in the comments on the requirements for the potential token. The girl-author of the ad, as well as her husband, were advised by Instagram users to marry a woman aged 30 and over or marry a commercial sex worker.

“Author, marry a prostitute. For divorcees and widows there are single husbands. But it’s hard for prostitutes, because our men keep shouting that if everyone took 2-3 wives, there would be no prostitutes. Moreover, he is in religion, your husband, let him think. And let the virgins never get married. And then your husband will get drunk and leave her again, and her life will break down, ”the user believes.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bd5y5-NA6V7/

Bi-smi-Llahi-r-rahmani-r-rahim
As-salamu alaikum wa-rahmatu-llahi wa-barakatuh

About my personality:

29 years. Was not married, no children. Programmer, not by degree. I live with my mother, but there is an intention to get married in the near future or live separately on my own. However, for stability and peace of mind, it will be better for me if I get married.

The character is calm, I can get annoyed when I see certain traits of a person, such as: arrogance, arrogance and pride, whining, complacency and narcissism, constantly showing dissatisfaction with everyone and everything, attempts to manipulate, politics, insults or humiliation, or in some other way to resolve the issue in their favor or simply to resolve the issue, assertion consciously or unconsciously showing their exclusive rightness. I can’t say what I will be in a relationship with my husband, because I don’t know myself. But I will do my best to make it calm, warm and comfortable at home, so that relations are honest, open, everything is openly discussed and all emerging issues are resolved through a calm conversation, analyzing the components of the issue at the time of its occurrence, without delaying, so that "it does not accumulate" and there was no "porridge" that can come out at any time, in any form (word, behavior, etc.).

Shy and laconic, if it does not concern any business or work, sensitive, I love silence, noticeably detached from the mundane, I can not do something if there was no agreement about it, or something was done or said (reinforcing " do" and reinforcing "don't do"), which created confrontational neural connections. I painfully perceive the words spoken by close people not with warmth or neutrality. I can cry, and a lot, but without a sound.

Attentive to feelings and moods, and at the same time I can not see what lies under my feet until I stumble.

I prefer loneliness and solitude (I do not mean the absence of a husband), I do not like guests and I do not like to visit.

I do not like waste, I try to spend as much as required, no more. I love minimalism in everything.

Can't cook like a chef, but willing to learn. I would like to create masterpieces and cook only healthy food.

I had an appendicitis operation in 2011. Was chronic sinusitis there is still sediment. As a child, she lifted weights, which is probably why there is a forward bend of the uterus. How this may affect the ability to have children I do not know.

It is impossible to force me to do something by any means, it is possible to reach an agreement by giving weighty arguments, first of all, according to Sharia, and secondly, if they are rational.

About future husband:

It is obligatory to fulfill all fards and sunnats. Calm, responsible, adequate, warm, more precisely able to show warmth and attention. Mumin, with a strong iman. Older than me, but no more than 15 years. Living in Astana, or nearby, as I already have a work arrangement that requires my presence here. The next year, one and a half, perhaps two, perhaps more, perhaps less, until the agreed result is achieved, intends to fulfill the agreement.

After marriage:

I work now and intend to work from home after marriage. There is an agreement, I will fulfill it. I will devote about 30% -50% of the day time spent in consciousness to work.

The money that I will earn, I will distribute myself.

I will devote at least 20% of the day time spent in consciousness to knowledge and self-study.

I don’t like guests, but if they come, I prefer to remain silent or not be present at all, while preparing everything necessary in advance.

Intends to learn and create masterpieces in the kitchen.

Part of the time I will devote to needlework: knitting, sewing, etc.

What my husband can't forbid me:
1. Get knowledge.
2. Help people.

About dreams, goals and desired future:

I want to fulfill all the fards and sunnats, I want to help people, I want to help my husband and I want the day to pass basically: firstly, in worship of Allah; secondly, in the study of the Qur'an and the acquisition of worldly useful knowledge; thirdly, in the implementation of projects for the benefit of mankind. I want to implement projects that will help people. And for this, and therefore, against the fact that something was present in my life that would greatly distract or interfere. I would like my husband to be also interested in this, so that we would implement projects together.

About polygamy:

I can marry as a second, third or fourth wife, I also accept my husband's right to marry again. However, it is imperative that other wives know and accept this fact, and it will also be necessary to try to convince my mother.

Other wives should be with a strong iman and calm (if they “take out the brain” of my husband, my brain will not be calm), clean and without contagious diseases, they must live in the same city or locality, but not in the same house (I don’t like it when my I touch things, I myself don’t touch other people’s things and in general I can’t stand many women’s antics and words).

About the dating process and nicknames:

Here I wrote everything that I consider necessary so that a person who reads recognizes me and makes a decision. Therefore, there will be no further communication, correspondence or meetings to get to know each other. There will also be no photo. Please be understanding.

This decision was made due to the fact that before that there were attempts to get acquainted and there was a long correspondence. Every time you give away a piece of your heart.

After you read it, you can make a decision, and only if positive, you can write about yourself everything that you think I need to know and send me a message. Definitely with a photo. However, I will not write back to you and continue the conversation. Therefore, write everything you think is necessary to know about you. When I make a decision, I'll send my uncle's number. And it will be possible to meet already then so that you can see me and resolve issues on nikah.

I do not want any celebrations or ceremonies, I want everything to go quietly and calmly, just nikah and a modest table in the circle of my closest ones. Regarding the mahr: you can give as much as you think is right, honestly and possibly in your case to give. I will not assign the amount, not now, not later. There will be no costs associated with folk customs. You don't need to give kalym. You can make gifts to my closest ones, if possible and if possible, to get closer to them.

“I am looking for a wife for my husband,” - some time ago such a statement was so rare that in ten years I met only three such stories in my immediate environment, and a few more that I just heard about, well, there was a certain personal experience in this topic. Over the past year, I personally met more than ten such wives. Some of them entered into correspondence with me, offering to marry their husbands. Others left ads on dating sites.

Among my fellow Muslim sisters, some also came to the conclusion that let the husband marry again, and voiced their opinion on this topic to him. Some women shared with me that they themselves propose marriage to their husband, but he refuses. There were also men who said that they began to actively search for a second wife at the suggestion of their only wife.

On the one hand, this trend pleases me, because it says that the normal theme of polygamy from the point of view of the Koran and the Sunnah, which most often causes an abnormal reaction in most women, is still slowly taking root in the heads and hearts of my compatriots. But on the other hand… on the other hand, I felt a strong need to write this article and talk to you, my dear readers, about whether to encourage your husband to remarry.

I believe that most women who propose a second wife to their husband love their spouses. I admit that some of them love them very much. I also believe that they make such a decision for the sake of and from the best and most sincere motives. In a certain way, the iman of such women commands respect, especially as opposed to those who, hearing that their husband has decided to marry, demonstrate a bad temper. However, I would still like to warn you a little, my dear sisters, against being too active on this topic.

Darling, why don't you marry

“I don’t understand how I should react when my husband talks to me about remarriage. You say “no way”, explains to me that I'm wrong. If you say “yes, please,” he is offended,” Elmira shared with me. And this is exactly what wives who propose to their husbands to become polygamists should remember. On the one hand, this seems to be a paradox. However, on the other hand, everything is logical. Even the husband who dreams of remarrying would not want to hear that his wife does not care if he fulfills his desire. And even more so - to see the initiative coming from her in this. Because the most important thing that a husband needs from his wife is the confidence that he is loved and needed all the time.

The phrase “beloved, why don’t you marry again” he can perceive as “I don’t love you anymore” or “I’m so tired of you”, or “I would like to see you less often”, which, in fact, is just varieties of "I don't love you anymore." And although most often you are pushed to offer him polygamy, love, it is still better not to experiment in this way and not subject your personal relationship to such a test. Not every husband will say that he was not pleased to hear such a statement from your lips. He may be happy, because he himself thought for a long time, but he was afraid to tell you, but an unpleasant aftertaste will remain, and it is difficult to say what it will turn out to be later.

I already answered once that it is better, without expressing a violent reaction, to a husband’s statement about his decision to marry, just to say that you will accept this as the will of the Almighty. Then I meant that it is not necessary to show a violent negative reaction, but at the moment it will be relevant to say that “and a violent positive one” too. Let's be more flexible and wiser.

What to do if the husband does not want to take a second wife?

This is the question several women have asked me lately. Indeed, she was impatient for him to marry. She is so comfortable, she thinks that this will solve some of the problems that they have in their marriage, she decided that this is exactly what he needs ... And he also does not agree. What to do? In general, it is appropriate here, of course, to recall that we, women, are mysterious and completely illogical creatures. More precisely, we have a logic, our own, our own, and if this logic suggested something to us, then in the implementation of our plans, we sometimes go too far with the amount of effort applied.

The women who asked me this question have already told their husband “let's get married”, they have already tried to convince him that he needs to get married, they were refused and now they are asking: “What else can I do to make him agree?” The answer, in my opinion, is obvious - nothing. Your husband himself is able to understand whether he needs a second, third or fourth wife. It's just his and completely private matter. It is he who will answer on the Day of Judgment for whether he was able to maintain justice and the rights of all his wives.

Look for a wife for you, dear, I will

Not always those women who themselves offered him a polygamous version of family happiness are looking for a wife for a husband. Among them, there are many who were against it at first, but then agreed on the condition that they themselves choose a second beloved woman for him. In some ways, this is both wise and cunning, and very feminine.

It seems to us that if we choose a rival for ourselves, then it will be easier to keep the place of the most beloved woman in the heart of her husband. Because we will focus on the one that, no doubt, is good, but not better than us. Is not it? It is unlikely that you will choose a woman more beautiful, smarter and more God-fearing than yourself as your wife. Although, perhaps, there are wives so deeply religious that they will wish their husband happiness so much that they can choose disinterestedly, but I personally have not met such. We also think that by choosing a wife for a husband, we insure ourselves against choosing a woman who will try to divorce us from her husband and sow confusion in our family.

And also, having chosen it ourselves, we can always declare to relatives and friends that we ourselves offered our husband to marry and even chose this woman. Because often we are most afraid that others will talk about us as unloved women whom the husband has stopped loving, fell in love with another, and now live all your life with him so (according to public opinion) unloved, with a second beloved. In general, on the one hand, by looking for a wife for a husband, we solve some of our problems and therefore set such a condition. But on the other hand, my beloved sisters, we take upon ourselves something that is not at all related to our affairs. Yes, indeed, most often mothers, sisters, aunts are looking for a wife for a man. But not a wife. For the simple reason that it does not concern us.

Some first wives perceive the future second almost as a third member of the family, but this is not so. This is your husband's other (!) family, and it will be separate from you. Don't take on things that don't apply to you. And do not try to participate in what is not your responsibility and duty. Because you will then be responsible for how sincerely you chose your husband's second happiness, and whether he was happy later, entrusting you with such a fateful choice.

My friends and I analyzed the statistics of polygamous families known to us and came to the conclusion that in most cases, where, for example, a wife offered her girlfriend to her husband as a wife, the relationship between the girlfriends was interrupted, and everything was somehow difficult, because personal relationships between women, etc., were also mixed in.

In those cases when the wife herself found a second one, it was also not possible for these women to build at least some kind of relationship later, although before nikah they began to seem to be friends, and then it turned out that the first one was eventually disappointed, since the second did not correspond subsequently her expectations. Of course, I do not presume to say that this is some kind of indisputable data, since there are not many such families. Perhaps in your case everything will be different, but still ... I don’t think it’s necessary to take on such an important mission.

Polygamy is a test

And the most important thing. Women who encourage their husbands to become polygamists should remember and know that polygamy, on the one hand, is indeed a mercy for both men and women. But on the other hand, it is a test for both. The practice of polygamy shows that the first years are quite difficult. Moreover, the inhabitants of the Russian Federation have a certain gap of several generations between their ancestors who practiced religion and its part - polygamy, and therefore the transfer of experience on how to do this is interrupted. We do not have grandparents whose polygamous families we would observe from birth. There are no parents who can tell you how to behave in a given situation. Therefore, even if the second wife for the husband is our own idea, we cannot be sure that we will be able to avoid all the difficulties that lie in polygamy.

In general, marriage is work on oneself, and polygamous marriage is work on oneself, multiplied by two, three, four ... Women who decide for themselves that they are ready for such a test, aren't they too confident in their abilities? Maybe you shouldn't create difficulties for yourself after all? If it be the will of Allah, you still cannot avoid the test of polygamy. And if it is the will of Allah, then His mercy will come to you with it. But it’s better to ask for relief for yourself, because the road to paradise is not easy anyway.

In summary, I want to say that it seems to me that if your husband decides to marry, this should be accepted as the grace and will of Allah. And if he does not want this, then rejoice that the Grace of Allah is shown to you.

Let's meet in heaven, inshallah.